How to teach Purity
Richard Salbato 9-24-2007
I was asked by many people to expand on my last Newsletter, Sins Against Purity Cause Wars. Father Bart believes we should start a movement within the Church on Purity and Dating. I love the idea, but personally I am a hermit and too involved with my own family to organize anything. I will, however, offer guidelines and suggestions for those teachers and priests who want to bring Purity and Virginity back to the Church. For over ten years now I have been writing Newsletters on Moral Theology because more people today go to Hell for sins against morals than any other reason. Some of those Newsletters are linked below.
suppose the most controversial Newsletter I have ever written on Morals is one
of the first I ever wrote. It was a
result of people asking me why I did not get involved in the Right to Life
I’ll try to not repeat anything here that I have already written in the above document but these two Newsletters should be read together. In the Newsletter, Abortion is not the Problem, I make the point that dating is the mother of sins against the flesh in our times. I saw this in confession when I said that I promise to “avoid the mere occasion of sin”. I remembered the movie about Vincent Van Gogh when his friend said, “You paint to fast.” He snapped back: “You look to fast.”
Like most people when I saw that Padre Pio had separate confessions for men and women, even separate rooms, I though he was just a little too old fashioned. When I read that boys and girls never went to the same schools, I thought they were just old fashioned. When I learned about “going out parties”, I just thought they were old fashioned. When I learned about “finishing schools”, I just thought they were old fashioned. I watched old black and white movies from the 50s and 60s and saw that even when in love people never even touched, but thought how old fashioned that was. Perhaps I thought: “Maybe I am looking to fast.
Maybe people back then knew things we have forgotten. Maybe they were the smart ones and we are the stupid ones. Maybe I should investigate why they did what they did and why we do what we do. Maybe we are accepting as moral what is the root of immorality.
Lets look at the problem today of sex outside of marriage, homosexuality, the rise of divorces, the rise of people living together without marriage, the rise of pedophilia, the rise of abortions, and the lack of morals throughout society. Why has sex replaced love? Why is there a rise in frigidity among men and women?
Teaching Sexual Relationships
I teach my grandchildren, 13 years of age to 19 years of age, weekly religion classes. For adults I have structured classes but for teens I just answer questions. In this age bracket they want to know about relationships more than anything else. They want to live in the world but by God’s rules. This is hard. To understand how hard, you have to know the peer pressure and the need to be accepted. I had to first teach them what is natural to our nature and why it is good. God created what is natural for good reasons, but He also gave us the moral law that we might regulate what is natural. When you teach about sex, you must not make it a bad thing, because it is a wonderful and holy thing that God created.
I use the example of soil and dirt. Both are the same thing, but soil is in place used for what God intended. Dirt is soil out of place and not used for what God (nature) intended.
God created man to be attracted to women, and he starts this attraction at a very young age, 8 to 10 years old. Man does not know why but he just likes women. Women start younger because they mature much faster. A woman is sexually mature about 10 years sooner than man is. She is also more sexually aggressive. You are going to disagree with me right now, but I will explain this later.
God designed this in man and women because He said be fruitful and multiply. Even in the animal world it is almost emotionally and physically forced on animals to have sex for the continuation of the species. In the animal world we call this being “in heat” but we fail to see it in humans. We also fail to see the family structure of animals, birds and fish, and we think of family as a man made thing rather than something natural to our nature. When ever we violate what is natural to our nature, we end with a disoriented nature, a sick nature.
God designed woman to mature physically and mentally faster than man, because the nature of man is not so social or loving, whereas woman is both social and loving at an early age. It takes longer for man to mature and to even be able to support a family and wife. Because of this difference I advise both men and women to keep this ten year difference in mind when looking for a wife or husband.
In the old days a woman’s “coming out party” was about when she was 16 years of age. This is when the family invited all the young men to their home (with their parents) to show off their daughter, who was now of age to look for a husband. For the first time in her life she would dance with boys, in front of her parents. Before going to this Coming Out Party, she would go to Finishing School. In this school she would not learn language or math, but how to walk, how to act, how to greet people of different classes, how to eat, and in short, how to be a lady. Men also went to Finishing School but they did not call it that. They learned manors, a trade and manliness, even sometimes how to fight. The boys were also taught dancing and proper dress for different occasions.
Today the average age for women starting their period, and therefore their sexual yearning, is about 12 to 13 instead of 16 years. I think it is because of TV and the promotion of sex in everything we do. The brain affects the body and this exposure to sex causes people to mature physically too soon. I say too soon because mentally they are not ready. The balance of mental and physical maturity is disrupted.
Now I am going to say something that will surprise most people unless you think about it a great deal without looking too fast. Men do not really want sex before they are at least 17 or 18. They do not even want to make out or get too involved with girls other than keeping them company. Boys really want romance but not sex.
The reason we think this is crazy is that boys seem so aggressive today, but this aggressiveness is caused by peer pressure. Boys are made to think they are not men unless they have sex and even press for it. In truth even when pressured by other boys and even the girls, they are hoping the girl says, “No!” Sometimes a girl will even drop a boy who does not want sex. This is true today and common but not true in the past. Because of peer pressure and a lying promotion of open sex on TV, most girls think they are not loved unless the boy at least tries to have sex with them.
This is a huge problem for boys between 12 and 17 years of age because although they are capable of sex they are not ready for it mentally or physically. They feel like they have to do it but often this will cause problems in them that may last the rest of their lives. This might become a hidden dislike for women, or at least disrespect. This mental and physical difference in age of men and women sometimes produces homosexuality in men because they are threatened by women but do not know why. Unlike what you read, homosexuality in American is only ½ of one percent of the people and not 10% but they do not want to admit that they are mentally sick caused from some sexual trauma. This mental sickness borders on the demonic because it so violates nature. It often leads to pedophilia, because sex for nothing but personal satisfaction and not out of love ends up by hating all that is pure. It is even a way of showing hatred for God. The pedophile hates God and everything pure.
Female homosexuals have a different cause. They are not born that way as our “tolerant” society wants you to believe. A woman’s sexuality is more mental than physical and the physical is mostly external and not internal. A man can somewhat enjoy sex even with someone he does not like. But a woman must be somewhat romanced and treated kindly before she really enjoys sex. When she continually has unfulfilled sexual experiences over and over she turns to the person who understands female sexuality, another woman.
“My children might “make out” a little bit but they do not have sex.” This is what some parents say to me but it is bull crap. I have an easier time explaining what is wrong with this to children than I do to adults. Think about the soil and the dirt. God designed the human body perfectly. It get hungry when it is time to eat but it can be trained to only be hungry once a day, like in my case.
God wants married people to have sex because it is good and even wonderful. But their first has to be some stimulation that makes sex possible. God designed the human body in such a way that tender touching and kissing stimulates the body so that it is capable of sex. In the man it even causes the sperm to be generated so that birth is possible. In the woman it lubricates so that sex is possible. This can start by just holding hands.
This is good and even wonderful when two people are married. It is even sacramental and one of the greatest expressions of love there is. However, what happens then when two people stimulate their bodies for sex but then do not have it. The stimulation calms down a little but does not go away. It builds up in the same way that smelling good food over and over and not eating it effects the body. The next day the sexual drive still lingers and might manifest itself in many ways. If this continues it could produce aggressive behavior or even ways to escape the feelings through alcohol or drugs.
This must to be explained so that “making out” is not thought about as innocent or sinless. It is very sinful and is at the root of all sexual sins. This is why un-chaperoned dating is so wrong and the root of sexual sins, the main road to Hell.
Men are voyeurs, meaning that they can be sexually stimulated by visual things. God created man this way for the same reason he created women so beautiful. As the bible says, even the angels are tempted by the beauty of women. Since sexual stimulation without sex causes all kinds of root problems that are all sinful and even mentally harmful, it behooves women to be very careful how they dress or act. This does not mean not to dress for beauty but just not to dress provocatively. It also means that good men should understand that any visual sexual stimulation on TV or the printed media should be avoided for good mental health and good morals. Personally I do not understand why people would even want to watch two people kiss. These things are personal and not any more public than going to the bathroom.
What then is
purity? Purity is not sexless although
many sacrifice all sex for the
When you want to obey all the laws of nature and the laws of God because it is the best way to be charitable to yourself, to others and to God, then you can be called pure of heart. This is what it means to love God and others with your heart and soul. Prudish, Victorian people are not pure, they are selfish. The pure of heart wants to give all to God and others using the gifts God gave for good.
This is not the time to talk about this because I want parents and children to read this, but just before marriage men and women should be taught that it is God’s will and the law of love to make sure that your loved one enjoys sex. This might seem obvious but it is a big problem in marriages and does not have to be. I do not think this should be taught until just before marriage because it can lead to sinful thoughts and acts if done too soon.
You would be
surprised to know that in some societies in the Middle East and
Our Lady of America
calls all Americans to purity. Our Lady
of Nicaragua predicts World War III. The
two apparitions go hand in hand, because there will be a World War III and if
Stop un-chaperoned dating.
Dear Friends and Benefactors
"The debasement of noblest things is the worst." This famous apothegm is no more applicable than to matters of purity and impurity.
One of the most wide spread vices of our day and age is that of impurity. It is a vice so easy to fall into yet once it takes hold seems impossible to overcome. Part of the reason for this is that, as St. John Climacus says:
Our relentless enemy, the teacher of fornication, whispers that God is lenient and particularly merciful to this passion, since it is so very natural. Yet if we watch the wiles of the demons we will observe that after we have actually sinned they will affirm that God is a just and inexorable judge. They say one thing to lead us into sin, another thing to overwhelm us in despair.
Another reason why many are not victorious in battling this vice is that they do not value the opposing virtue of purity. They fail to realize that as there is no vice more loathsome and horrible than impurity, so the most charming and beautiful of all virtues is purity. But why is this so?
In the first place, purity is so highly valued because it is the crown of all other virtues. It presupposes the presence of many if not all other virtues. The pure of heart love prayer and have the virtue of piety. They must at all times consider their infirmity and pray for grace and strength thus practicing humility. They also love the virtues of penance, self-denial and charity and they must have the virtues of meekness, patience and zeal for the glory of God. They must also practice the virtues of Faith, Hope and Charity, in such a perfect manner that the other virtues find strength and support in them.
Another reason is that there is no virtue which demands greater sacrifice and more care than purity. St. Jerome calls this virtue a living martyrdom since it lasts for one’s entire life. We must guard not only one of our senses or faculties, but all of them. All of our senses and faculties are exposed to temptations against holy purity, and so we must keep them all under careful control. It is this constant watchfulness and self-denial which the Fathers of the Church regarded as a martyrdom.
Because of this self-denial, which purity demands, some may have the impression that the life of the pure is sad and gloomy; they are mistaken. The Garden of Paradise contained many trees but only one was forbidden to our first parents. The fruit they were allowed to eat was far more choice than that of the one forbidden to them. Because they chose to enjoy the forbidden fruit they were no longer able to enjoy the others. Likewise, the pure of heart know many more joys, pleasures and consolations that are withheld from those who give themselves up to impurity.
Purity is reflected in our bearing and character even though it be too subtle to analyze or explain. The pure young man or young woman will be of a happy mind having a cheerfulness that does not depend on the weather. Their eyes sparkle with a fire not of this world and they see beauty and charm where the sinful see only the commonplace. The mountains, trees and flowers, lawful gratification, labor and rest, all give to the pure a gratification of which the worldly minded have no idea. How much better it is to enjoy such peace and tranquility of mind, than to suffer the tortures of conscience living in fear that hidden sins will become known.
Nothing in all Creation is grander than the sight of a pure boy or girl growing up in all their strength and beauty of health, with an innocent look in their eyes. Purity ennobles and elevates our body, giving it a charm that is the delight of God and His angels. Even the wicked, who are unwilling to be pure themselves, are compelled to admire and respect purity in others.
Nor is it just the body of the pure that God in His infinite generosity adorns but He beautifies the soul far more. They that go to heaven upon the path of purity receive the choicest blessings and graces. Through these graces they receive warning beforehand of impending temptations and danger. Because of the greater and more pure love which purity gives they are able to undergo any sacrifice, even to suffer death, rather than forfeit the priceless jewel of purity.
Many saints were of the opinion that most people lose their salvation through impurity. If so, we may say that the virtue of purity is one of the safest marks of belonging to the elect. Our Savior has told us little about the joys and rewards of the world to come, but He did reveal that the pure will receive a special reward standing nearest to His Throne, where they will sing a song of praise that no one else will be able to sing.
Living in a world steeped in immodesty and impurity it may seem impossible to go unscathed. But we can preserve this precious jewel and pass through life unmarked if we rely on God’s grace and put forth the effort, following the example of the saints.
The saints were able to fight off temptation because they constantly lived in the presence of God. They had one thought uppermost in their minds —wherever they were, God was by their side. By constantly keeping God before their mind, they had the strength to suffer anything for love of Him and thus turned suffering into joy and trials into victories. When others were overwhelmed by even the smallest temptations because they had lost sight of God, the saints accepted and conquered even the fiercest assaults as a matter of course. The thought of God’s presence gave them strength, consolation, hope and happiness.
The saints were able to keep God before their minds because they lived in a spirit of prayer. They did not make the mistake of thinking prayer to be a merely formal affair; a few minutes set apart in a completely different atmosphere from the rest of their day. Rather they had the constant pious disposition to connect everything they did or saw with God. Every act became prayer for them. Every act of penance, self-denial and charity was nothing else than prayer. Their entire life was transformed into one constant prayer.
If sinners would go to Confession and Holy Communion as frequently and with the same zealous dispositions as the saints, they, too, would become saints. Generally speaking, however, those that need the Sacraments the most are the most negligent in receiving them.
Besides the presence of God, the saints also are shining examples of devotion to our Blessed Mother. True devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary is taken as a guarantee of eternal happiness. She does not fail to obtain favors and blessings for those who honor her. Hence it should not surprise us that her special admirers receive special benefits; as shown in the lives of the saints. Thus Mary can and will obtain for the children that love her most one of the greatest favors, the jewel and crown of all virtues.
The virtue of purity is, therefore, worth our every effort and its beauty cannot be over-rated. It is something so refined and heavenly that our weak human vision can scarcely grasp the greatness of its grandeur. We shall only fully appreciate it in heaven. But until then we must fight for it, and keep its beauty, as far as we can, before us.
Sincerely yours in the Precious Blood of Jesus,
Fr. John D. Fullerton
Other Newsletters on the moral law:
Greatest Direction For Our Times At the Gates of Hell
Earthly Friends - Possible? - Dialogue of the Old and the Young