From the Spirit of Satan to the Spirit of God
A long and sad voyage
Wow I just finished reading your Tongues of Satan book, BRILLIANT! I only wish my mom would read it with an open heart, but I have a feeling if I gave it to her she'd shred it, I'll have to get her own copy so she doesn't ruin mine. Thank you for including the exorcism prayers, very helpful.
So my story of the Charismatic movement goes like this:
I was born in 1974 and my mom and dad were not church going individuals at the time, but my mom believed it important for me to be baptized and had me done so in a Lutheran church. My sister was born 18 months later and baptized as well. In 1980 my mom had a huge conversion of coming back to the faith (she was raised in some Christian religion in Iowa, not sure which one). Anyway she became obsessed with finding God and filling her life with the Bible and prayer and Bible study, etc. So we began going to church.
Over the next 10 years of my life, we must have changed churches 10-20 different times. We went to Baptist, Four Square, Christian Missionary Alliance, Charismatic, every protestant denomination you can think of, my mom dragged us to. Growing up I was very confused as to what religion we were in. When friends at school would ask, I'd be unsure how to answer since we constantly were changing churches. My mom was always claiming her way was the right way, but what way was that??
She had constant fights with her sister who was a Jehovah Witness and wouldn't let us speak with her about religion (Thank God). She finally settled on two main churches which were very Charismatic with the whole speaking in tongues thing, which she got us into at a very early age.
What is Speaking in Tongues?
When I was 4 years old I saw demons in our home at night in the hallway and would run to my parent's room to sleep with them. My mom was heavily into going to tarot card readers, etc. and I think one of the reasons she had a big turn around was seeing the fear in me of what she was inviting into the house.
When I was 6 and my sister 41/2 we would play kids games and be speaking in a made up language pretending we understood each other, but mostly just imitating the expression and flow of adult conversation. Well one day my mom over heard us doing this and told us that this was the gift of speaking in tongues and that the Holy Spirit had given us this gift and we must use it in the meetings she was going to when everyone else did. So we did.
As I got older, around 13 or 14 I started to question everything my mother had been teaching us. Like you, I found it weird that when someone spoke in tongues the same words were not translated the same by the interpreter, but always different. Things just didn't make sense, all these different Christian religions confused me, what was the truth, which one was right, they couldn't all be right, because they all had little differences. In the meantime through all this my dad just went along with whatever would make my mom happy. He didn't want to cause waves, but he wasn't really into the whole thing at all.
My mom was very strict, not letting us listen to any music unless it came from the Christian bookstore, no television shows dealing with witches, warlocks, anything evil, we were taken out of class at school when they studied any books dealing with this and eventually in junior high she put us in private religious schools. But my dad would go behind her back and let us do things we wanted when she wasn't around like listen to music or watch a show, etc. It started becoming like, favored parent over other and my mom threatened to leave on numerous occasions because she was tired of being fought against by her family in her religious beliefs.
When I was 15 my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor and after surgery given 1 1/2 years to live. He had a meeting with Jesus and the Devil in his hospital room and gave his life to Christ and when he got out he went around to all these churches telling everyone what he'd seen. At the time I wasn't really paying attention because after his surgery I didn't consider him my dad anymore, he'd completely changed, and didn't resemble my father at all. My father was a strong 6' - 2" navy lieutenant who worked in the intelligence and CIA, and this man coming out of surgery was weak, loss of memory, and looked like a walking corpse. I wish someone had taped what he said in those church meetings, I wish I could hear it now, but we can't get back our past, so.
Anyways, at 16 I decided I was old enough to decide if I'd go to church or not and what I'd believe or not and left the whole thing. I started having sex, dove into drugs, and dropped out of high school. True to the doctors prediction my dad died 1 1/2 years later when I was 16 1/2 just 2 days after I'd gotten out of rehab for Crystal meth abuse.
In The World
Needless to say I went back to drugs and sex and was out of control. My mom tried taking me to some prayer mountain retreat place to fast for 3 days and pray and they laid hands on me and knocked me down in the spirit and yes I fell down, but I didn't feel any change and wondered how long I should stay on the floor before I was aloud to get back up. In and out of different therapists who were suggesting masturbation as my answer to my problems, my mom finally sent me to a boarding school where they were brainwashing everyone to become normal citizens in society. My mom had to mortgage the house to send me there and sign contracts that the school had legal custody of me. Unfortunately too late, she found out about the brainwashing weird things the school was involved in, but she couldn't pull me out so she prayed to God to get me out of there. After 6 months and 2 previous attempts at escape, I made it back home hitchhiking and by the blessing of the angels not getting raped in the process.
At this point I was 17 1/2 and went back to school to get my high school diploma. I got involved with one of the graduates from the boarding school and we got back into heavy drug use and needless to say college was put on hold. At this time I considered myself an Atheist and my boyfriend was Jewish but believed he was God. I finally did start going to college for accounting but found a full time job accounting for an adult book store and dropped out of college since I already had the job I was suppose to be going to school for.
After working at the adult store 6 months I decided to get into modeling but ended up in adult modeling world and porn. After 4 years doing that I finally wanted to kill myself, which I hadn't thought of doing since I was 16 with all my heavy drug use. I just didn't see the point in life anymore, why was I here, just to lie around naked and get men off, so at 22 years old I decided to jump off this waterfall up in the mountains and end it all. On the way there I was praying that if I shouldn't do this and God had some other plan for me or was even there, then to stop me from doing it. As I walked the mile to the waterfall I was determined to do it, but once I got there I sat down and felt God calling me to something else and that He'd lead me and I had to trust Him, so I left the water fall and went in pursuit of the truth.
Of course I knew it wasn't to be found in any of the religions I'd grown up with so I went searching in everything my mother had told me not to, namely witchcraft. I would go to the woods and try to call on spirits using these prayers from witch books and keeping in touch with my spiritual gift I would speak in tongues on my walks through the woods. But the whole witch thing wasn't working as fast as I wanted or something and I got into Kabbalah. I was so excited about it I got my boyfriend and his sister and some friends of mine into it to. My mom would send me papers on how it wasn't the right thing, but hey what did she know, I ignored her and kept pursuing that.
My boyfriend was a born-raised Catholic and he wanted me to come with him to Mass. I finally gave in if he would study my Kabbalah with me. He agreed. So for a year we went to both. Meanwhile I decided to leave the whole adult industry and was spiritually attacked by demons, which I wrote about in my auto-bio which goes out to prison ministry, and anyways, my husband told me the only way to fight them was with the name of Jesus and the Our Father prayer, it worked, whenever they came around I would cast them out in the name of Jesus and they would leave, but the whole experience was very scary.
Becoming A Catholic
We got engaged and his family started sending me all this stuff about marrying a Catholic, and what it means to be Catholic etc. When we met with the priest to discuss our wedding I found out I couldn't receive communion if I wasn't Catholic, I was very upset, because all my life I did believe that the host was Jesus body and blood as He said in the bible though few people believed this (this is like the one teaching my mother had for us that was actually true, though what she didn't know was that it's only in the Catholic church and it's not His body and blood in any other church).
Anyways, it was extremely important for me to have communion at my wedding so I agreed to take the classes to join the church. After intense study into the Catholic faith I realized the error of Kabbalah and dropped it. I was so excited to have finally found the true faith, the true church of Christ and I felt like all my searching was finally coming to fruitation. I was home, finally. I told my mom all about it and she was excited for me and the very next year she joined the Catholic faith too.
But the difference between her and I is that she told the priest upon joining she was only doing it so she could legally in the churches eyes take the communion that was the real body and blood of Christ and she didn't really want anything else to do with the church and told the priest she would still go to her charismatic speaking in tongues groups and churches and he said that was fine as long as she came to mass on Sundays.
So because the priest told her that my husband and I assumed it was ok to go to those meetings too and had heard of this new catholic charismatic thing and I was like, oh ya I remember that from childhood the whole speaking in tongues thing, let's go. So we went to Joyce Meyer ministries stuff and my husband wanted the speaking in tongues gift and she kept saying it was a gift for everyone and if you want it you just have to believe and he stood up and believed but it never happened for him.
We got obsessed with listening to all her tapes and would find little things contrary to the what the Bible teaches. Finally we decided that we only wanted to be taught by Catholic's and no more outside the church and gave up the whole speaking in tongues thing. At this point I got pregnant and we moved to south Florida where my husbands whole family lives (we were in southern California where I grew up) and they are all very devout Catholics so it was nice to be around so many Catholics, but they are also very much into the false visionaries and got me totally into the whole Medjugorje, Garabandal, etc, etc.
In the meantime, my mother kept going to mass every day and then to her charismatic meetings. She got a job in a Catholic school as a teacher's assistant and she seemed to be doing well or so we thought until this last Christmas.
We went to see my mom at Christmas as she invited us to stay in her home and she was talking about how she was going to be starting up a Bible study. She's always told me that she feels God has called her to a life of prayer and ministry of the people of Israel, but always fights God and finds other things to do. Anyways, we thought the Bible study would be a great idea, I mean she's been studying the Bible for 20 years and seems to know it inside and out.
So Christmas night we get into a discussion about our movie Crush the Serpent which is very Marian, and it upset her a lot. She's not into Mary at all. Professing to be a Catholic this seemed strange to us. We asked her why she wouldn't want to honor Mary who is Jesus mother when it is a commandment of the Bible, and she said she honors Mary by acknowledging she had Jesus, that's it. The whole thing was about whether you should pray the rosary which she is fully against, she uses her rosary only to pray the divine mercy chaplet, minus the Hail Mary on the one bead of that prayer. Needless to say she had no rebuttal for things that are common understanding to normal Catholic converts since she went through the same program I did and I was her sponsor. I thought she understood that the Catholic Church was Jesus' church, but she had all these other crazy ideas that as long as she believe the communion was Jesus' body and blood it was, even if a priest didn't bless it. She said God told her this, and that worshiping Mary was wrong. I agreed it is wrong, but we aren't worshiping Her. We are only honoring her with the rosary and she freaked out and started denying that and angel had come to Mary and told Her she'd have Jesus and saying that Mary was a sinner, etc.
Needless to say, we had to defend Mary and she threw us out of her house and told us never to come back on Christmas night! She looked like she was possessed by some demon! It was so scary and we packed up all our stuff and left.
I have since talked to her and she doesn't recall half the stuff that happened and just says all she remembers was us screaming at her, which we never raised our voices at all. I'm scared for her, because she keeps getting sucked up into all these other Christian religions and especially the charismatic movement which is totally against Catholicism. She believes in the Rapture, but has said she told God she'd be willing to stay to convert people and not to take her up with the rest.
I wish she'd really convert to Catholicism and then give you her story on being in the Charismatic movement, because I bet it'd be great.
All I can do is pray for her to see the TRUTH.
I thank God for showing me the truth and for your wonderful courage in writing the things you have. Well I don't know what else to say, that leads us up to today. I'm going to give your book to my husband who wants to read it. You know what's funny, you and my dad have the same name Richard. I feel like maybe God has given me a new earthly father to lead me in the right direction since my father can't be here for me. I hope you don't take this in the wrong way, I look up to you as a pillar of strength and truth and want to learn everything you've learned, sort of be taught by you for a time, because I believe you've got a lot of answers. So please if you can, send me anything you feel I should read, I check the internet every day for your books to be made available, but everywhere they are out of stock. I've read just about everything on your web site, which I love.
If anyone would like a free copy of my autobiography "The Confession" I would be happy to send it if they provide address and money for shipping. Zylagator@aol.com
Keep up the good work. God Bless,