From
the Spirit of Satan to the Spirit of God
A long and sad
voyage
Hi
Rick!
Wow I just finished reading your Tongues of Satan book, BRILLIANT! I only
wish my mom would read it with an open heart, but I have a feeling if I gave it
to her she'd shred it, I'll have to get her own copy so she doesn't ruin
mine. Thank you for including the exorcism prayers, very helpful.
So my story of the Charismatic movement goes like this:
I was born in 1974 and my mom and dad were not church going individuals at the
time, but my mom believed it important for me to be baptized and had me done so
in a Lutheran church. My sister was born 18 months later and baptized as
well. In 1980 my mom had a huge conversion of coming back to the faith
(she was raised in some Christian religion in Iowa, not sure which one). Anyway she became obsessed with finding God
and filling her life with the Bible and prayer and Bible study, etc. So
we began going to church.
Over
the next 10 years of my life, we must have changed churches 10-20 different
times. We went to Baptist, Four Square, Christian Missionary Alliance, Charismatic,
every protestant denomination you can think of, my mom dragged us to.
Growing up I was very confused as to what religion we were in. When
friends at school would ask, I'd be unsure how to answer since we constantly
were changing churches. My mom was
always claiming her way was the right way, but what way was that??
She
had constant fights with her sister who was a Jehovah Witness and wouldn't let
us speak with her about religion (Thank God). She finally settled on two main
churches which were very Charismatic with the whole speaking in tongues thing,
which she got us into at a very early age.
What is Speaking
in Tongues?
When I was 4 years old I saw demons in our home at night in the hallway and would run to my parent's room to sleep with them. My mom was heavily into going to tarot card readers, etc. and I think one of the reasons she had a big turn around was seeing the fear in me of what she was inviting into the house.
When
I was 6 and my sister 41/2 we would play kids games and be speaking in a made
up language pretending we understood each other, but mostly just imitating the
expression and flow of adult conversation. Well one day my mom over heard
us doing this and told us that this was the gift of speaking in tongues and
that the Holy Spirit had given us this gift and we must use it in the meetings
she was going to when everyone else did. So we did.
As
I got older, around 13 or 14 I started to question everything my mother had
been teaching us. Like you, I found it weird that when someone spoke in
tongues the same words were not translated the same by the interpreter, but
always different. Things just didn't make sense, all these different Christian
religions confused me, what was the truth, which one was right, they couldn't
all be right, because they all had little differences. In the meantime
through all this my dad just went along with whatever would make my mom happy. He didn't want to cause waves, but he wasn't
really into the whole thing at all.
My
mom was very strict, not letting us listen to any music unless it came from the
Christian bookstore, no television shows dealing with witches, warlocks,
anything evil, we were taken out of class at school when they studied any books
dealing with this and eventually in junior high she put us in private religious
schools. But my dad would go behind her back and let us do things we
wanted when she wasn't around like listen to music or watch a show, etc.
It started becoming like, favored parent over other and my mom threatened to
leave on numerous occasions because she was tired of being fought against by
her family in her religious beliefs.
When I was 15 my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor and after surgery given 1
1/2 years to live. He had a meeting with Jesus and the Devil in his
hospital room and gave his life to Christ and when he got out he went around to
all these churches telling everyone what he'd seen. At the time I wasn't
really paying attention because after his surgery I didn't consider him my dad
anymore, he'd completely changed, and didn't resemble my father at all. My
father was a strong 6' - 2" navy lieutenant who worked in the intelligence
and CIA, and this man coming out of surgery was weak, loss of memory, and
looked like a walking corpse. I wish someone had taped what he said in
those church meetings, I wish I could hear it now, but we can't get back our
past, so.
Anyways, at 16 I decided I was old enough to decide if I'd go to church or not
and what I'd believe or not and left the whole thing. I started having
sex, dove into drugs, and dropped out of high school. True to the doctors
prediction my dad died 1 1/2 years later when I was 16 1/2 just 2 days after
I'd gotten out of rehab for Crystal meth abuse.
In The World
Needless
to say I went back to drugs and sex and was out of control. My mom tried
taking me to some prayer mountain retreat place to fast for 3 days and pray and
they laid hands on me and knocked me down in the spirit and yes I fell down,
but I didn't feel any change and wondered how long I should stay on the floor
before I was aloud to get back up. In and out of different therapists who
were suggesting masturbation as my answer to my problems, my mom finally sent
me to a boarding school where they were brainwashing everyone to become normal
citizens in society. My mom had to mortgage the house to send me there
and sign contracts that the school had legal custody of me. Unfortunately
too late, she found out about the brainwashing weird things the school was
involved in, but she couldn't pull me out so she prayed to God to get me out of
there. After 6 months and 2 previous attempts at escape, I made it back
home hitchhiking and by the blessing of the angels not getting raped in the
process.
At this point I was 17 1/2 and went back to school to get my high school
diploma. I got involved with one of the graduates from the boarding
school and we got back into heavy drug use and needless to say college was put
on hold. At this time I considered myself an Atheist and my boyfriend was
Jewish but believed he was God. I finally did start going to college for
accounting but found a full time job accounting for an adult book store and
dropped out of college since I already had the job I was suppose to be going to
school for.
After
working at the adult store 6 months I decided to get into modeling but ended up
in adult modeling world and porn. After 4 years doing that I finally
wanted to kill myself, which I hadn't thought of doing since I was 16 with all
my heavy drug use. I just didn't see the point in life anymore, why was I
here, just to lie around naked and get men off, so at 22 years old I decided to
jump off this waterfall up in the mountains and end it all. On the way
there I was praying that if I shouldn't do this and God had some other plan for
me or was even there, then to stop me from doing it. As I walked the mile
to the waterfall I was determined to do it, but once I got there I sat down and
felt God calling me to something else and that He'd lead me and I had to trust
Him, so I left the water fall and went in pursuit of the truth.
Of
course I knew it wasn't to be found in any of the religions I'd grown up with
so I went searching in everything my mother had told me not to, namely
witchcraft. I would go to the woods and try to call on spirits using
these prayers from witch books and keeping in touch with my spiritual gift I
would speak in tongues on my walks through the woods. But the whole witch
thing wasn't working as fast as I wanted or something and I got into
Kabbalah. I was so excited about it I got my boyfriend and his sister and
some friends of mine into it to. My mom would send me papers on how it
wasn't the right thing, but hey what did she know, I ignored her and kept
pursuing that.
My
boyfriend was a born-raised Catholic and he wanted me to come with him to
Mass. I finally gave in if he would study my Kabbalah with me. He agreed. So for a year we went to
both. Meanwhile I decided to leave the whole adult industry and was
spiritually attacked by demons, which I wrote about in my auto-bio which goes
out to prison ministry, and anyways, my husband told me the only way to fight
them was with the name of Jesus and the Our Father prayer, it worked, whenever
they came around I would cast them out in the name of Jesus and they would
leave, but the whole experience was very scary.
Becoming A
Catholic
We got
engaged and his family started sending me all this stuff about marrying a
Catholic, and what it means to be Catholic etc. When we met with the
priest to discuss our wedding I found out I couldn't receive communion if I
wasn't Catholic, I was very upset, because all my life I did believe that the
host was Jesus body and blood as He said in the bible though few people
believed this (this is like the one teaching my mother had for us that was
actually true, though what she didn't know was that it's only in the Catholic
church and it's not His body and blood in any other church).
Anyways,
it was extremely important for me to have communion at my wedding so I agreed
to take the classes to join the church. After intense study into the
Catholic faith I realized the error of Kabbalah and dropped it. I was so
excited to have finally found the true faith, the true church of Christ and I
felt like all my searching was finally coming to fruitation. I was home, finally. I told my mom all
about it and she was excited for me and the very next year she joined the
Catholic faith too.
But
the difference between her and I is that she told the priest upon joining she
was only doing it so she could legally in the churches eyes take the communion
that was the real body and blood of Christ and she didn't really want anything
else to do with the church and told the priest she would still go to her charismatic
speaking in tongues groups and churches and he said that was fine as long as
she came to mass on Sundays.
Catholic
Charismatics
So
because the priest told her that my husband and I assumed it was ok to go to
those meetings too and had heard of this new catholic charismatic thing and I
was like, oh ya I remember that from childhood the whole speaking in tongues
thing, let's go. So we went to Joyce Meyer ministries stuff and my
husband wanted the speaking in tongues gift and she kept saying it was a gift
for everyone and if you want it you just have to believe and he stood up and
believed but it never happened for him.
We
got obsessed with listening to all her tapes and would find little things
contrary to the what the Bible teaches. Finally we decided that we only
wanted to be taught by Catholic's and no more outside the church and gave up
the whole speaking in tongues thing. At this point I got pregnant and we
moved to south Florida where my husbands whole family lives (we were in
southern California where I grew up) and they are all very devout Catholics so
it was nice to be around so many Catholics, but they are also very much into
the false visionaries and got me totally into the whole Medjugorje, Garabandal,
etc, etc.
In the meantime, my mother kept going to mass every day and then to her charismatic
meetings. She got a job in a Catholic school as a teacher's assistant and
she seemed to be doing well or so we thought until this last Christmas.
We went to see my mom at Christmas as she invited us to stay in her home and
she was talking about how she was going to be starting up a Bible study.
She's always told me that she feels God has called her to a life of prayer and
ministry of the people of Israel, but always fights God and finds other things
to do. Anyways, we thought the Bible study would be a great idea, I mean
she's been studying the Bible for 20 years and seems to know it inside and
out.
Defending Mary
So
Christmas night we get into a discussion about our movie Crush the Serpent
which is very Marian, and it upset her a lot. She's not into Mary at
all. Professing to be a Catholic this seemed strange to us. We
asked her why she wouldn't want to honor Mary who is Jesus mother when it is a
commandment of the Bible, and she said she honors Mary by acknowledging she had
Jesus, that's it. The whole thing was about whether you should pray the
rosary which she is fully against, she uses her rosary only to pray the divine
mercy chaplet, minus the Hail Mary on the one bead of that prayer.
Needless to say she had no rebuttal for things that are common understanding to
normal Catholic converts since she went through the same program I did and I
was her sponsor. I thought she
understood that the Catholic Church was Jesus' church, but she had all these
other crazy ideas that as long as she believe the communion was Jesus' body and
blood it was, even if a priest didn't
bless it. She said God told her this,
and that worshiping Mary was wrong. I
agreed it is wrong, but we aren't worshiping Her. We are only honoring her with the rosary and she freaked out and
started denying that and angel had come to Mary and told Her she'd have Jesus
and saying that Mary was a sinner, etc.
Needless
to say, we had to defend Mary and she threw us out of her house and told us
never to come back on Christmas night! She looked like she was possessed
by some demon! It was so scary and we packed up all our stuff and left.
I have since talked to her and she doesn't recall half the stuff that happened
and just says all she remembers was us screaming at her, which we never raised
our voices at all. I'm scared for her, because she keeps getting sucked
up into all these other Christian religions and especially the charismatic
movement which is totally against Catholicism. She believes in the
Rapture, but has said she told God she'd be willing to stay to convert people
and not to take her up with the rest.
I wish she'd really convert to Catholicism and then give you her story on being
in the Charismatic movement, because I bet it'd be great.
All I can do is pray for her to see the TRUTH.
I thank God for showing me the truth and for your wonderful courage in writing
the things you have. Well I don't know
what else to say, that leads us up to today. I'm going to give your book
to my husband who wants to read it. You know what's funny, you and my dad
have the same name Richard. I feel like maybe God has given me a new earthly
father to lead me in the right direction since my father can't be here for
me. I hope you don't take this in the wrong way, I look up to you as a
pillar of strength and truth and want to learn everything you've learned, sort
of be taught by you for a time, because I believe you've got a lot of answers. So
please if you can, send me anything you feel I should read, I check the
internet every day for your books to be made available, but everywhere they are
out of stock. I've read just about everything on your web site, which I
love.
If anyone would like a free copy of my autobiography "The Confession" I would be happy to send it if they provide address and money for shipping. Zylagator@aol.com
Keep up the good work. God Bless,
Jacqueline